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How DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Skills can improve your relationships

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Relationships are at the heart of our lives — with partners, family, friends, coworkers, and even ourselves. But many of us struggle to balance our needs with the needs of others. Maybe you’ve found yourself saying “yes” when you really wanted to say “no.” Or maybe you avoid asking for help because you don’t want to burden anyone. And too often, intense emotions can lead us to push too hard or damage relationships we care about.

This is where Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) interpersonal effectiveness skills come in. These skills are practical, teachable tools that help you:

  • Ask for what you need in a clear and respectful way
  • Say “no” without guilt
  • Strengthen relationships that matter to you
  • Maintain your self-respect, even in tough conversations

DBT breaks interpersonal effectiveness into three main goals:

  • Objective Effectiveness (Getting What You Want)
    This is about asking clearly and directly for what you need, while increasing the chances of actually getting it.
  • Relationship Effectiveness (Keeping the Relationship Healthy)
    It’s not just about the outcome of one conversation — it’s also about maintaining trust and closeness over time.
  • Self-Respect Effectiveness (Staying True to Your Values)
    Even if the answer is “no,” you can walk away feeling proud of how you handled yourself.

One Skill You Can Try Today: DEAR MAN

One of the most popular interpersonal effectiveness tools is the DEAR MAN skill. It’s an acronym that helps you structure a conversation:

  • Describe the situation
  • Express how you feel
  • Assert what you need or want
  • Reinforce the benefits of saying yes
  • Mindful — stay focused on your goal
  • Appear confident
  • Negotiate if needed

For example, instead of hinting or hoping someone will read your mind, DEAR MAN gives you a roadmap for asking directly and respectfully. Here are some additional explanations and examples to really learn this powerful skill from our colleagues at nowmattersnow.org

Practicing Together in DBT Skills Class

Reading about interpersonal effectiveness is one thing — but practicing it in a supportive environment is where the real change happens. In our DBT skills groups at Harmon Psychotherapy & Consulting, we don’t just talk about these skills, we role-play them, problem-solve real-life situations, and help you build confidence using them outside of class.

Clients often share that interpersonal effectiveness skills give them a sense of empowerment they haven’t felt in years — the ability to say what they mean, set boundaries, and nurture healthier, more balanced relationships.

Ready to Strengthen Your Relationships?

If you’re ready to feel more confident in how you communicate and connect with others, our DBT skills classes are here to help. We offer both in-person and virtual options at our Orem clinic, making it easy to find a group that fits your schedule.

👉 Call us today: (801) 687-9509 or click here to sign up and also to learn more about our upcoming DBT skills groups.

Your relationships — and your peace of mind — are worth it!