What’s the difference between self-worth and self-esteem? Does it matter? 

Self-esteem can be defined as: “the amount of confidence a person has about their achievements and areas of competency.” With self-esteem, a person’s sense of self is based on external factors (an evaluation of one’s appearance, school grades, monetary worth, size of house, how others perceive them, etc).  

Self-worth can be defined as, “the way a person feels about the value of their life.” Contrasting with self-esteem, with self-worth, a person’s sense of self is based on internal characteristics and a kind of intrinsic value. 

Why is this important for mental and emotional health? 

Much of our mental and emotional health has less to do with whether or not we feel unpleasant thoughts and emotions (we all do), but rather, how we react to these internal stimuli. Do we judge and shame ourselves for unpleasant emotions/ thoughts or blame others? Or do we act compassionately and with kindness toward ourselves and others when inevitable ups and downs come? 

Why is self-worth more important to increase than self-esteem? 

Researchers focused a lot of time and resources in the 1980s and 90s focusing on understanding and increasing self-esteem in school-aged children. In the past 20 years however, self-worth has become seen as a more important quality to increase in individuals. 

It’s possible for a person to have very high self-esteem but feel empty in their lives and relationships. This person would be focused on external achievements to be fulfilled and would increasingly feel empty and frustrated that these achievements did not fill an internal void of acceptance and love. 

It’s also possible for a person to have low self-esteem but high self-worth. Such a person may not evaluate themselves as particularly attractive or articulate or confident but they would treat themselves as worthy of love and find life worthwhile, regardless of high achievement or worldly praise. 

Self-worth isn’t just about the “self”

Self-worth can be thought of as the feeling and self-compassion as the action. When people score high on self-worth scales, they are more likely to act in ways that are respectful and kind  to themselves and others. Self-worth allows an individual to see worth in others as well. There’s not a competition for this worth because it is intrinsic and exists regardless of what a person does or says or looks like. 

Self-esteem, on the other hand, tends to come with a more comparing and competitive slant. When we’re experiencing high self-esteem we may be comparing ourselves as “better than” another person regarding a certain trait. When we’re experiencing low self-esteem we’re doing the opposite. 

Comparing/ evaluating isn’t bad but…

Comparing and evaluating is a natural part of being human. It’s important for us to tell the difference between a traffic light that’s red and one that’s green. Even in relationships it’s important to be able to compare and tell differences that are more or less preferable. As children, we need to be able to differentiate between a child who is open to playing with us and one who is not. Being able to evaluate our own efforts can be helpful in many situations; however, it is not helpful to base our worth on these evaluations.

Moving toward self-worth through acts of compassion

We will all experience varying levels of esteem and successes and failures. Some people will naturally have more self-esteem than others. More importantly, we can act today with compassion toward ourselves and others to build self-worth. Our most meaningful experiences often come when we are focused on attending to a relationship that honors both the intrinsic worth of self and other. 

You and those you love are worth every bit of compassion and attending that you have to offer.  

**Note some researchers use self-esteem and self-worth interchangeably, but then define different types of self-esteem. This article is focused on the distinction of the concepts as defined at the beginning of the article.