What do I do with overwhelming, intense emotions?

Intense emotion brings intense urges to act quickly to change or satisfy the emotion. An intense fear response triggered in the sympathetic nervous system creates quick reactions, saving us from car crashes, falls, and many other near-misses.   

But there are times when acting on intense emotions just gets us in more trouble.

The emotion may be appeased in the moment, but our reaction can create more problems for ourselves. In addition, our initial reaction may be followed with guilt, shame, frustration, and other unwanted emotions. 

Working with emotions as outlined in our article, Working with Emotions, can still help us in these cases. But if we are too overwhelmed to think clearly, we may need something more powerful to get us unstuck. 

In these cases we can turn to distress tolerance skills (a group of skills used in dialectical behavioral therapy, or DBT). In DBT, there are 2 types of distress tolerance skills: reality acceptance and crisis survival skills.

Reality acceptance skills are helpful when our distress is high, but we’re not in crisis. Watch this video of Jordan Harmon, LCSW, for a brief overview of Reality Acceptance Skills.

Crisis survival skills help us survive a crisis (often emotional or psychological) without making the crisis worse. This article will highlight a 4-in-1 crisis survival skill: TIPP

TIPP

This skill is helpful to many people when they are overwhelmed with emotion and strong destructive urges. TIPP is an acronym that describes four different skills that can be used to quickly change your body chemistry. 

Temperature

Intense exercise

Paired muscle relaxation

Paced breathing

T – Temperature

This skill works by initiating the dive reflex, which is a reflex common in mammals swimming in cold water. It may sound silly, but it works, and here is how you do it. 

1. Fill a large bowl full of cold water (have a towel nearby)
2. Take a deep breath and put your face in the water so that your mouth, nose, and eyes are submerged. 
3. Hold your breath for 30 seconds (use the timer on your phone to help you keep track of time)

The dive reflex initiates the parasympathetic nervous system (calming response) which counters the sympathetic nervous system (fight or flight response and trauma responses). Often a person’s distress will reduce from 10/10 to 6/10 after doing this skill.

Some people worry that they won’t be able to hold their breath for 30 seconds. You would be surprised that you likely are able to do this. Other versions could include using an icepack to hold on your closed eyelids and cheeks while you hold your breath.

I – Intense Exercise

The idea here is that intense exercise will take you out of your head and into your body. We want our heart rate and breathing to increase in order to redirect the distressing emotional energy that is often wrapped up in our thoughts, into our bodies. Try for 10-15 minutes, but don’t stress. Do what you can.

Here are some ideas:

• Alternate between jumping jacks, jogging in place, and planks
• Go for a jog or quick walk
• Dance
• Jump on a trampoline

P – Paired Muscle Relaxation

This skill combines breathing with muscle relaxation. By tensing and then relaxing muscle groups, we teach our body how to let go of tension. Here’s how to do it:

1. Find a comfortable and quiet place where you can sit or lie down.
2. Take a few deep breaths to calm your mind and focus your attention on your body.
3. While inhaling, tighten your hands into fists as much as you can and hold for a few seconds.
4. Exhale and relax your hands, saying the word, “Relax” in your mind.
5. Notice the difference in how your hands feel.
6. Do the same thing with different muscle groups of your body (shoulders, arms, legs, buttocks, face, etc.)

Here is a video of Dr. Taylor Damiani from the UCI Counseling Center, with a guided paired muscle relaxation exercise.

P – Paced Breathing

When emotions are intense, our bodies are often stressed, and even our breathing can be affected. Paying attention to our breathing and intentionally slowing it down can reduce our emotion’s intensity.

Jordan Harmon, LCSW, owner and clinician at Harmon Psychotherapy & Consulting, has a great video with a guided Paced Breathing exercise.

The basic idea of paced breathing is to slow down your breathing, making the exhale slightly longer than the inhale. You can use a timer or do it on your own.